I have a lot of feelings. Sometimes I feel so overwhelmingly that my brain and my soul and my spirit are just running circles around me creating a vortex of emotion. Often, it boils down to my heart yearning to give love and my brain blocking it with a wall of paranoia and panic. I think I just have so much love living inside me and not enough outlets. Or not enough confidence to share it? I'm not quite sure yet. I want to trust that if I give away all of my love, it will recirculate and eventually i'll be in a cycle of continuous, unapologetic, unconditional, free love. Today, I just need to get some of it out so I think this is an appreciation post for the people of the world who bleed goodness into it. I fucking love you.
Side note: this post is going to be random, prepare yourself now.
Do you ever meet people and instantly want them to thrive? To be happy? To find their space, their love, their home? Do you ever wish you had the means to pull people out of their hardships and give them pure, genuine, simple happiness. I've met people in my lifetime who have filled me with such ... lightness ... that I want to just be in the same room as them forever. I want them to know the affect they have, the fear they quiet, the joy they evoke, the power their existence has in this world. In my most confident moments, I say it out loud. I will tell those people they are one of a kind. I will tell them how happy they make me, just by being in my day. I will try my damndest with my words to tell those people what my heart is screaming.
You, friend, make me genuinely, easily, and divinely ... happy.
I almost always instantly regret it. I don't know why. I think I worry that they will think i'm a weirdo, or a lot, or just too ... Aisha. If you know, you know. My biggest worry is that they won't believe me. They'll think I say that all the time, or to everyone. They won't ever know that they are truly, one of a kind. If you're one of those people - if i've ever told you that you are phenomenal, "fucking everything", or that you make me happy. I meant it.
I always mean it.
I've had people like that enter my life seasonally - and even with those ones, I wish I could give them even an ounce of the acceptance and love they made me feel. Maybe someday I will pay it forward and be that light to someone else. Even if it's just for a season. I can't imagine being the type of person that has the power to make someone feel bliss. Or even just make someone feel seen. To be the type of person that someone always wants around. To be so significant that someone, somewhere, wants everyone to know you. I wonder if it's hard. They always make it seem so effortless - but nothing that seems effortless ever is, right?
Fuck. Am I rambling? It's fine - you were warned. I'm going to just keep pouring.
Full disclosure: I am writing this post because I had a minute this morning where I saw myself in the mirror and immediately after saying out loud "damn, not too shabby" (which I will admit, I do quite frequently) - I thought .... "Is this your red flag?" "Are you average" "Do you give yourself too much credit?". BOOM, instant spiral of second-guessing and self-deprecation. One thought led to another and before I knew it, I was here, typing away about how much I love people who I find to be beautifully superior. What a whirlwind.
Idk. All i'm trying to say is I think there are magical, incredible, under-valued people everywhere. And I whole-heartedly hope that there is a version of me either in the past or in the future that has made someone feel the way those people make me feel. The way you make me feel .. because you're here, reading this, supporting my love language, and this little big part of my disheveled heart. May you feel seen, loved, and appreciated in all the ways your soul seeks it.
As I mentioned earlier, I fucking love you.
<3
I love you!!!