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gone again, but making a comeback

Updated: Mar 14, 2022

I wish I could spend all day writing. I have been in and out of this blog and have so many drafts that I wish I had the energy to finish. The last few months have been such an emotional rollercoaster.

simply put: i'm still exhausted.

My parents sold their home (( whoop whoop ))

I moved in with my aunt and uncle

My parents decided to move to Arizona

I decided to move to Seattle (( this one is a little bittersweet ))

So here we go again, Stress-mess: the upgraded version. Why do I do this to myself, you ask? Because I just want to find my peace. The life that is so phenomenally aligned that I stop putting so much pressure on myself to do more. The life that I feel proud of and want to share with someone. I want the life where I feel loved from the inside out.

I can honestly say I feel like I am getting closer. I am more openly humorous, apologetic, friendly, and confident. I have more certainty in my opinions and in my self-worth. I whole-heartedly believe that there is something purposeful inside of me ready to make its debut. But I am also able to recognize that every day has purpose because I have the privilege to "do life". I am no longer waiting for my "big break" to find me - i'm ready to go get it. My mindset has changed. Or at least something feels different. I think it was this year of being okay with just being okay that reminded me to appreciate certain parts of myself I had forgotten even existed.

The girl who dances to every song. Who makes people laugh. Who brings people together. The girl who is relatable and can empathize. The girl who actually really loves a good hug. Who can have a meaningful conversation with almost anybody. The girl with the big laugh and the perfectly timed facial expressions. And the girl who can be honest about her feelings without forgetting to deliver them with love. I have started to recognize myself again and I am finally unafraid to compliment myself and to own my strengths (as well as my weaknesses).

I still have this great fear of missing out on the opportunity to grow and an even greater fear of disappointing the people I love the most. And definitely have a hard time accepting that I can't be there for everyone all of the time. But I consider it a great accomplishment to be able to identify those fears in myself and to be able to consider their presence as either good, bad, or just plain ugly when it's necessary. I wont do a whole "2022 is my year" ending, because I feel like that contradicts my previous post about time constraints. But I will say that my glow-up is happening and I can feel it and I'm so freakin' ready to bask in all the goodness that the universe is saving for an even better version of me (whenever she is ready to receive it). Here's to growth, friends - every kind of it. May it find you in new ways, unexpectedly, every day.


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