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Dear Atlanta

Updated: Sep 24, 2020

A thank you note to the city that gave me courage.


Dear Atlanta,


It’s never easy to say goodbye, but I think we both knew that this was not a forever thing. I was looking for something specific when I chose you. I was looking for hope. I was looking for the person I used to be. I turned to you with hopes to bring her back.


See, there is this version of me who is vibrant, flirty, funny, and confident. She was here before the broken happened, before all of the sadness, and self-doubt. You made me realize that she was a version of me that hadn't experienced the hard stuff. She didn't know who she was or what she wanted out of life. So she let life happen to her. She let other people tell her who she should be. She was faking it. And instead of learning about herself, she ran away from the struggles believing that eventually, happy would just ... happen.


She is not where I am going. There are certainly parts of her I’d love to take along. And Atlanta, you gave me the courage to really figure out what those parts are. You gave me time and space - although the loneliness of that was often overwhelming. I so desperately needed to find the soul that continued to radiate on the hard days. I needed to find my voice, I needed to listen to it, and I needed to believe in it even when it got me in trouble. I needed to be so pathetically unhappy in order to bring out the motivation to be better. To feel better. To do better. And to live better.


It's been almost a month since I said goodbye to you. I can't lie. I miss you. I miss the way the sun transforms the sky into the most beautiful watercolors. The way they would just suddenly appear on the horizon and stop you in your tracks gifting you with a moment of peace. I miss how easy it was to do my day-to-day life. I miss the contentment. Because even though I knew it wasn't enough, it was easy.


Even with the stress of uncertainty, I feel relieved. I feel grateful to have the drive to spend my time learning how to code (though I do spend more time than I care to admit, wishing that just one of the jobs I applied to would respond). But I am starting to see just how much potential I really have. And I need that. I need to believe in myself. Far more than I need contentment.


I still love you, Atlanta and I believe that a happier version of me could still come back to you someday. I guess there's not much else to say. Except that you haven't seen the last of me. And I am so profoundly grateful for the person that I am because of you.


Thank you for giving me the courage to fail. The courage to try. And the courage to say "i'm ready to be greater". Wish me luck.


All my love,

Aisha

1 comentário


Salimah Handa
Salimah Handa
24 de set. de 2020

Love this and love you

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