2021?

I have been missing a bit from 2021 or maybe 2021 is missing me? Either way, it seems that once I started coaching and bartending, I stopped having the energy to write which essentially means I haven't been taking time to reflect. When you spend as much time overthinking as I do, reflection is so necessary and writing is the only way I take the time to put all of my thoughts into perspective. So bear with me on this one.

I moved back to Lancaster in August with just a few goals and if i'm being perfectly honest, it feels like I haven't tackled any of them.

My goals in order of priority looked something like this:

Help mom and dad get their house on the market

Spend time learning how to code/find a career that excites me

Be a happier human

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I didn't have a lot of goals, but the ones I did (or do) have are pretty freakin' big.

Getting my parents house on the market has been a bigger journey than I could have ever imagined. 23 years of stuff jammed into four walls and full of sentiment that makes it so difficult for them to part with. It has been time consuming and exhausting. We've done so much emptying, repairing, and painting and it never feels like the wheels are in motion. I've never sold a home, so this whole process is brand new to me and I wish i could just snap my fingers and all of the tedious work would just be taken care of. We are now to the point where we are moving boxes to storage and working on fixing up the aesthetic of the house to get it ready for photos, showings, and a sale - y'all, I am at the home stretch and it feels harder than it did in the beginning. Why is this process such a nightmare? My two days off each week are spent trying to squeeze in as much as I can do for them while also trying to appreciate the minimal time I have to avoid burning out completely. Are there moving fairies out there in the world for people on the tightest of budget? Any leads would be greatly appreciated.

Goal number two... coding. HA! What a sorry excuse for a student I have been. I haven't logged into my Udemy account since October. I can't for the life of me figure out how people are out there working full-time jobs, being parents, going to school, and staying sane all at once. Am I broken? Or just lazy? I couldn't tell ya. BUT what I do know is that I do much better when I have to show up in person and am being held accountable. Virtual learning is not my jam and so i'm working on accepting that my second goal may just have to wait until I can focus on finding an affordable in-person program that allows (but also forces) me to explore web design and development without the option of saving it for later. So I guess you could say that one has a pin in it.

Goal number three is a big one - just be happier. To quote a new favorite song of mine by AJR: "I ain't happy yet, but i'm way less sad." I'm learning to appreciate small wins. I recently got "promoted" to bartender at Troeg's which means i'll get a little bit more dough in the savings account. I am coaching CrossFit two days a week at the gym down the street and I absolutely love it. Overall, I don't dread waking up in the morning and doing the work that pays my bills. Neither one of them are how I want to spend my forever, but they definitely work pretty wonderfully as my for now. Are some days better than others? Of course. Do I sometimes wish I didn't have to go to work. Definitely. But there are more days where I am excited about what I do than days where I leave my job miserable and wishing I was doing something else. And that is a new feeling for me. And after this little paragraph of reflection, I can say that this goal has been accomplished. I'm not at the "check it off the list" part, but i'm most certainly happier than I was on this day one year ago and that means more to me than all of the stress those other setbacks put on my shoulders. Because all i've ever wanted to be is happy.

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So, i'll keep chuggin' along, moving forward, working hard, and taking the opportunities that excite me. I'll finally finish that website i've been building, i'll get through the coding class, and dammit, i'm going to sell this stinkin' house! It may not all happen in the timeline that i wanted it to, but it's going to happen.

I think that was the point of writing this. Time doesn't always have to be seen as a constraint. If we shift our perspective just slightly, it can be a gift. One that we get to choose how to use and so long as we let it work for us, time might actually be on our side. When I started writing this post, I felt super defeated. And here I am at the end of it actually feeling like i've accomplished a decent amount in the last eight months. I definitely recommend changing the question from "What didn't I do?" to "What have I done?" when thinking about your 2021 so far. Because I feel a whole lot better now than I did 15 minutes ago and my gut tells me we've all done much more with our year than we are giving ourselves credit for.

Now, go celebrate all that greatness! Woo!

(I didn't know how to end the post so that's what i'm going with - cheers!)